hope for my baby

Welcome to the world, my sweet baby.

Welcome to the world, that we’ve completely polluted and trashed before your arrival. I’m sorry you may never know a world with leopards and gorillas. I’m sorry that we’ve killed so much of what you’ve yet to explore. I’m sorry that there’s so much left for you to clean.

Welcome to the world, my sweet baby-

a world where we kill each other over what happens after you die. Where we sell women and children for the unthinkable. Where men are still seen as the dominant sex, in comparison to women.Where we hate people based on the color of their skin.

Welcome to the world, my sweet baby-

Where children are yanked away from their parents, as if the choices of adults is their fault. Where we are driven by eliminating the freedom of others.

Welcome to the world, my sweet baby-

Where we have to hide under the blanket if you need to drink mommy’s milk in public. Where emotions aren’t valid, and your meltdown because you’re having a bad day, makes you terror, by societies standard. Where my choices yo guide you are criticized every second of every day.

Welcome to the world my sweet baby-

Where you can’t go outside alone, because you’ll undoubtedly be taken. Where I’m terrified to post a picture of you on a public platform, because somehow “they’ll find you”.

Welcome to the world, my sweet baby. It’s pretty disappointing right now.

and I am so sorry.

BUT, there is hope.

You are my hope, my sweet baby.

I know you better than anybody, and I know your strength. I know that this world will not crush your spirit.

My hope for you, my sweet baby…..

is that you lead your peers to excellency, while following God, in every decision you make.

My hope for you is that you take care of your loved ones, your possessions, your community, the earth around you, and most importantly, yourself.

My hope for you is that you act kindly, without expecting a reward. That you say “yes” as often as possible, but never forget how to say “no”.

My hope for you, my sweet baby, is that you make your mark on this damaged and brutal world, and spread your joyful heart and belly laughs around to every inch of the earth possible.

My hope for you, my sweet baby, is that you and your children and your grandchildren, can somehow find the beauty in this world.

be good. still good.

Good morning, 2019.

Mom life is a tough gig man. I was asleep by 10pm last night! What about you?

I don’t normally make resolutions, mostly because I don’t usually see a point. Why wait until the new year to change your ways or make a difference? This year, however, I’m giving it a shot.

2018 was a tough year for me and my family. While it was by far the best we could’ve asked for, it was also very trying.

My husband returned from a deployment in February, we welcomed our son to the world in April and we closed on our first home in July, all while dealing with the trials and tribulations of marriage (right out of the honeymoon phase) and dealing with a lot of mental illness.

I spent a lot of time shedding tears and tearing myself to pieces in 2018. So here are my three resolutions for 2019, plus a bonus, for good measure.

RAISE A GOOD HUMAN

My son is a week shy of 9 months old. He’s mobile and so smart. He’s learning a lot every single day. I won’t lie, I cuss a lot. I say ugly things, make unfair assumptions frequently and can sometimes be a little selfish. We all have our faults. That being said, I want my son to grow up loving everyone and spreading kindness around like confetti. Kids watch us more than we think. They want to be just like mom and dad. My number one and most important resolution for 2019 is to lead by example and teach my son to be genuine and caring. When I was 18 I had “act without expectation” tattooed on my arm, and while sometimes I lose touch, those are the most meaningful words to my heart. It means to do good, even if you know you won’t receive anything in return. My biggest hope in life is that they hold close to my children’s hearts as well.

SELF CARE, SELF LOVE

I lost myself quite a bit in becoming a mom. I stopped doing my hair and makeup. I stopped doing my nails and dressing cute. I quit buying things for myself. I started rushing through my personal and private times, such a showers and what not. I put so much energy into our kid that I drained myself. Worse than that, I didn’t refill myself either. My goal for 2019 is to take an hour or two a week to recharge. Read a book. Eat in peace. Relax. Untouched. It’s hard to remember that you’re still important once you have a little one depending on you 24/7 but as the great Shel Silverstein once said, “I can be someone else’s and still be my own”.

BE A NICE WIFE

This is one that I HAVE to keep, no matter what. As you know, I’ve dealt with a lot of PPD, causing me to be very ugly towards my husband much too often. He’s a great man. No. He’s a perfect man. He does more than I could put into words for our family, and I have no clue how to repay him for his love and generosity. He’s the most patient man alive, seriously. All of these things, and yet I still throw trash at him (no not literally). I still make snarky comments and complain about simple, incomplete tasks, such as taking out the trash or mild clutter. This year, starting from the second I opened my eyes this morning, Ive decided to stop before I say anything to my husband. I’ve decided to think about how he feels and consider the context. I’ve decided to stop with the “small, joking” arguments because they turn into big and serious fights. I’ve decided to love unconditionally and allow him to be as much himself as possible, because while I deserve a break from life sometimes, so does he, and he rarely takes the time.

***bonus resolution***

START BLOGGING MORE!!!!

This one goes hand in hand with self care. Writing is something that I genuinely enjoy and it’s a positive outlet. Since October, I’ve been trying out new jobs (to no avail) and busy stressing about the holidays that I dropped off the blog completely. But, you can’t just abandon something you love. So in 2019, I am determined to post at least one entry a week, if not more. I’m determined to add lots of new content, collaborate and work with affiliates, and drive a lot more traffic this way. I’m obviously biased, but I feel as if I could positively influence a lot of mamas and wife’s if I put my mind in the right place.

So please, if you have ANY ideas for entry’s or collaborations, contact me! I’d love to hear from you, and of course-

Welcome to 2019. We’re still good.

easiest lactation cookies you will ever make

I don’t usually post at this frequency but my husbands away so how else is a girl supposed to spend her free time?

So, I don’t normally do recipes because most of my recipes are pinterest specials, stolen from foodie bloggers.

This one, however, I conjured up on my own.

The easiest lactation cookies you will ever make.

I’m REALLY bad at baking. Cooking is easy but baking? Measuring? Im literally the worst. These are *almost* fool proof, though! They’re not healthy. I’m giving you that heads up right now but they do taste pretty good.

I have a VERY hard time keeping my milk supply, and these cookies help me out a lot and give me something to snack on while little man is on the boob.

The three ingredients that make this a great lactation support cookie are:

– Ground Flax

– Oats

– UpSpring Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle drink mix

Check out my recipe below!

Lactation cookies

ingredients

1 pack of Betty Crocker Chocolate chip oatmeal cookie mix

1 stick of softened butter

1 egg

1/4 cup of ground flax seed

1 scoop UpSpring Milkflow Chai Tea Latte drink mix (Amazon $17.99 – Makes 24 bathches)

directions

1. Preheat oven to 375°
2. Mix together all ingredients until texture it’s one big ball of dough
3. roll into 1″ balls and place on an ungreased cookie sheet 1″ apart from one another (I usually end up with about 14 because I can never get them all equal sizes so I use 2 sheets)
4. bake for about 14 minutes, or until cookies are golden brown
5. Let sit for 2 minutes before scraping from pan

Enjoy with almond milk for even more milk making magic!

What’s your best trick to boost milk supply??? Tell me in the comments, I’m always looking for new ideas!

**This post isn’t endorsed by UpSpring in any way and is in no way affiliated with the company**

Don’t forget to follow the blog on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meltdownmombie/

beer bottles to baby bottles; a letter to my husband after babies.

My Dear Husband,

I remember when we first started dating. There were so many drunk nights and house parties. There was lots of dinner and movie dates. There were late nights AND late mornings. Long weekend? We’d sneak out of town, grab a hotel with a pool, all on a whim. Floating the river, beer in hand, was our favorite Sunday activity. Life was a constant adventure and every moment was a whirlwind.

When I married you, I married my best friend.

Then, part three came along.

Now, our weekends are spent changing diapers and trying to catch naps whenever the baby is sleeping. We can’t just take off at the drop of the hat anymore. Being out of the house for more than a couple of hours is more of a chore than anything now.

There are arguments. There are varying opinions. There’s crying induced by lack of sleep. There are a lot of emotions. There are words said that should probably remain thoughts, simple due to being overwhelmed.

But, my dear husband, you are my best friend.

You are my side kick. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Without you, there would be no “him”. This life is everything we ever wanted. We pray for and dreamed of these babies.

Our house may be a mess. I might look like a tornado picked me up and dropped me in a field. We may not have as much money to blow as we did before. We may miss our nights out.

What we have now, however, is a son that looks at us as his heroes. We have a someone to play pretend with and a reason to play on the playground. Weget to wake up to a giggling baby who just wanted his feet tickled.

I’m sorry that our moments are usually interrupted by a screaming kid. I’m sorry that dinner is more often than not late getting to the table. I’m sorry that you lately, you get so little of my time.

But, my dear husband, and it won’t be like this for very long.

He needs a lot of attention right now. He’s growing and learning how to be a boy and then a man. One day, much too soon, he’ll want to spend time with his friends instead of mom and dad. He won’t be our cuddle buddy anymore. He’ll get big and start his own journey and we will miss these moments.

One day, we’ll have drunk nights that we uber home. We’ll have fancy dinners and a clean house. We’ll see all of our favorite movies on the big screen and even get a large popcorn to share. We’ll reminisce about that time he had a blow out at the hibachi restaurant or the way that he would fake cry when we hugged. One day you’ll have your girl back.

But for now, dear husband…

I’ll be the mommy and you be the daddy.

And we’ll still be the best of friends, including our milk breathed part three.

Here’s a link to the inspiration for this post (one of my favorite blogs): http://www.gracewhilewewait.com/www.gracewhilewewait.com/dearhusbandilovedyoufirst

meltdown mombie

I decided to make this my first post, mostly because it’s the name of the whole game.

I guess I should start out with welcome to my blog!

That sounds cliche though, and I’m not a fan.

The truth is that I’m not writing this blog for an audience, although a lot of you could probably relate. I’m writing this blog as a collection of my own thoughts. I catch myself rambling to no one much to often. I think that comes with being a stay at home mom. I considered a diary, but then I decided that I wanted to tell at least somebody what was on my mind.

So, like I said, welcome to my blog.

I’m going to talk a lot about my struggles and my successes, my happy days and my sad days, my joys and my weaknesses. I’m going to talk about my marriage, our life with the military, our dogs, my past, our future, and most importantly, being a mom.

I’ll throw some advice out here and there as well, although I can’t call it professional or even good.

For now, I’ll start with this:

meltdown mombie

For those of you who don’t know, a mombie is a mom zombie. It originated from a comic about a mom who eats people. I don’t do that, but the mom in Santa Clarita Diet does and she’s pretty rad so no judgment. The more ethical version of mombie is best described as an exhausted mom!

Those days when you slug out of bed, listening to dogs barking and babies crying. Your hair is kind of in a bun but kind of not at the same time. You give your husband a sloppy kiss and hurry to get your coffee made because you’re needed elsewhere and it’s very obvious. That’s me every single day.

I don’t need to explain what a meltdown. That’s simple. It’s when you literally melt into a hardly functional person. It usually involves tears, binge eating and lots of cuss words. That’s also me, almost every day.

Meltdown mombie. That’s me, all the way.

If this sounds like you, you’ll probably really enjoy this blog.

I’m here to tell you, mama, that it is okay to be this person.

You’re not a bad mother. No one said you had to have it all together and if they did, they’re wrong.

You willnot have a constantly clean house. You will get behind on laundry. You will have days where you don’t get dressed. You won’t eat a well balanced diet every day. You will have have moments when you feel like everything is going wrong. You will crave five minutes of private time. You’ll have days that you try to block out the noise and remember when your world was quiet. You will not always have it all together, but at least you are together.

This life is chaos. You will never be the same as you were before. I know that can sting a little and it’s okay to feel that way. Breathe easy though, because in the middle of all of your stress, you’ll look down and see your little one smiling up at you because you are their whole world, and they are your reason for living.

I can’t tell you how many days I sit and wonder if I’m cut out for this madness. I wonder if I’m doing anything right. I know I’m not the only one who thinks this way.

I’m telling you this though, mama, you were made for this. Whether you believe that or not. Your kids don’t want perfect, they want love.

So throw your hair up and pour that coffee, because any day is a good day to be meltdown mombie.